Oh hello world!

Do I come across as happy? Do people see me and think I've got it all going for me?
I don't know. Maybe.
Some people say they can never imagine me to be sad.
But it happens.

Honestly though. I'm so confused right now.
2012 has been a tough year. Really hard.
Stuff hasn't gone as planned.
I have no clue what's going on anymore.
And everything that could spiral out of control seems to be doing so.

Oh, and to top it all off, turns out my life may be in for an interesting change.
One that will stick with me.
Forever.
And I don't know what to feel about this.
I don't know what to do.
Honestly, I don't.

I just have to sit back and pray that God knows what's going on.
That He can reveal to me why this has happened.
Because I need answers.

Truly, I do.

Our wonderful world...

So yeah, I've managed to completely neglect this thing for a good 3 months now. Probably because I've had so much other stuff going on that I've just not had the time to check it.
And write here.
But meh, time to return to the world of blogging.

HELLO!
Remember me? I don't. It's been a while. You all been good? That's good. I've been ok. It's been interesting. And this is what I've discovered about the world over the past few months.

This world is crazy. It's broken. It's sad. And it's full of stuff which just isn't right. At all. About 2 weeks ago now, me and a group of friends went up to the city on a Friday night, just to wander and talk to random people. We ended up speaking with a few cool people at a free hot drink place, then spent a good hour or two chilling with a bunch of drunk kiwi kids, just talking about life, while playing some guitar. I knew prior to this that the city on a Friday night, or any given night really, was a horrible place, full of who knows what. Seeing it first hand actually made me sad though. How has society gotten that bad?

Anyway, that wasn't the point of this blog. I'm just going off tangent cause I can. Cause what is written here is COMPLETELY WHAT I WANT TO GO HERE! Muahahahaha!

What I was going to say though, is that this world seems to always be willing to knock you down at any possible chance. It's happened numerous times this past month. Things have come up, stuff has happened, one thing after another, and it just piles right on, getting worse and worse. Like all these commas. But yeah, I've learnt over the past few months that you've just got to keep pushing, no matter what.

You can get knocked down, but it's easy to get back up again. Especially knowing that God is behind you every single step of the way. Knowing that makes life a lot easier. It's one of the few things that's kept me going. Just knowing that God doesn't give you a challenge you can't handle, it's made this whole life experience bearable.

It's been a crazy few months. It's been one of those months where, once I feel like I'm on my feet again, I get knocked back down again. But, no matter what, I'll always have someone with me, to help me get back up again, and to carry me when it's needed.

And I love that He's there for me. No matter what.

It's been a while.

Quite a while. I'm getting lazy with this thing. Again. Should make sure I don't get lazy with it again. I like this blog, and it's pretty cool.

Anyway... I feel pretty down at the moment. Just do. Kinda know why, kinda don't, but it's not nice. I dislike it, greatly. Basically, I'm pretty fed up with humanity at the moment. I keep hearing stuff, and seeing stuff, that just makes me question people in general. Why would people do certain things? How do people have such messed up views on things? Why do people ALWAYS put themselves first? It's ridiculous. Stupid, even. And I don't understand it at all. It's truly getting to me these days, and I don't like that it is. Usually I'm a happy, upbeat person. These days, I'm starting to lose that. I'm getting annoyed much more frequently, smaller and smaller things irritate me, and I wish I knew why that was. Probably the only reason I'm writing this right now is so I can have some sort of outlet for it, that isn't Facebook. I could just go and moan on Tumblr for ages, but that's lame. Anyway, I'm just annoyed at myself these days, and I want it to stop before I start taking it out on others. It could be sleep patterns, it could be games, it could just be the fact that I have the most horrible eating habits on the planet these days, but no matter what, I need to stop it. I really need to get my life back on track, so I can return to being my normal self. I need to stop overthinking everything, stop getting annoyed at everything, stop being so ridiculously lazy. I just need to change.

Lord, I just need motivation. I need You.

A simpler time...

I remember my summer holidays as a kid. They were amazing, every single year. The world was so simple back then, and so much more forgiving. The people were nicer, and everyone just got along. We did so much back then, and I had some of the best friends. I miss so much.

Spending every moment at the beach.

Never wearing footwear.

Playing 40-40 every single night.

Waterbomb fights with the milk bar owner.

Running around the bushes at the beach.

Making secret bases.

Finding that new path.

Climbing trees.

Street cricket daily.

Playing with lego if it ever rained.

And just spending time with those I rarely saw.

I miss those days so much. And if I could go back to them, and just spend one day in the past, I'd love to. That being said, the present holds so much, as does the future. I just loved how much easier everything was back then. And those people I spent my summer with, I never see any of them anymore. I miss them, or how they were. I just miss the old world we all had.

3am Rambling.

I find it so hard to articulate myself these days. I go to write something, and every single time I write, I feel as if it doesn't explain what I'm trying to get across. I just can't get the right words, the right phrases, and I feel like a complete idiot when I eventually post what I've attempted to write. At the moment, I'm laying down listening to The Art of Sleeping (ironic, I know, considering it's 3am), thinking about life and stuff. More just pondering. I don't even know what half of it is about, to be honest. My thoughts are just kind of flying all over the place, and I'm writing them down as I think them.

I really want to be able to write a song. Musically, I'd be able to. It's just the lyrics. I can't sing, I have horrible rhyming and creative skills, and I wouldn't have a clue what to write a song about anyway. I just keep playing around with my guitar, finding cool sounding chord progressions, and thinking "oh, that would sound so cool with words". Except I can't think of any words. No matter how hard I try. I mean, what would I write a song about? Should I think of an experience? And even if I did write a song, I couldn't sing it. I can't sing, and I struggle to play guitar and sing (well, attempt to sing) at the same time anyway. However, I just feel as if I should throw all sense of caring into the wind, and give it a shot. I won't be sleeping for ages. May as well try.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I don't know why I keep writing in my blog, to be honest. No one reads it. It's more a diary type thing, I guess. And yet, it's not really a diary. More a collection of random thoughts. Anyway, it's officially Valentines day today. The day in which, as a society, we're meant to celebrate love. Instead, it gets turned into a commercially driven day which exploits couples, and makes those who are single everywhere depressed because they don't have anyone. As usual, I choose to remember the original meaning of they day, and be glad that, as a race, humans have been graced with the ability to love. It's something we often forget to do, and fail to recognise just how valuable love truly is. While I'll have no 'valentine' today (as usual), I'll continue to be happy in who I am as a person. I'll also give this song writing business a shot. I may even come up with something good.

Who knows?

What is this tomfoolery!?

Oh hai guaise!
I actually don't really know what I'm going to write about.
It was going to be about Valentines day. Except I'd rather not rant about it.
Everything I'd say has already been said by the masses anyway, and it's not like I'll change opinions.
So, instead of that, I'm going to write about My Little Pony.
'Cause I'm a man.

How does one become addicted to a show seemingly aimed at 5 year old girls?
Moreso, how does that same show become extremely popular amongst guys around my age.
I laughed when I first heard of someone my age watching that show.
Then I heard about more guys my age watching it.
Then I heard that it had become extremely popular among those my age.
And that it was borderline becoming a meme.

So, obviously my interest was sparked. A good friend told me to watch it.
So I did.
And I kept watching. And watching. And watching.
And now I'm half way through the first season. I'm hooked.
It makes NO sense at all! I don't understand it.
It's funny. It makes me smile. I enjoy it.

I think the reason why I, and many my age, enjoy it so much is just because it's simple.
It's a very happy show, and the messages in the episodes, whilst simple, are something which a lot of people in society should start to remember.
"Friendship is magic"
That's the crux of it. Underneath all the glamour and colours, that's what they're saying.
And I think it's just a little escape for all us 'bronies' who watch and enjoy the show.
I mean, you just have to like it.
There's no actual way you can't.

Seriously, if you're reading this.
Watch it.
You WILL love it!

Just pondering...

For some reason, I seem to be running short on things to blog about.

Just, nothing is popping into my head these days.

Hence the lack of posts.

However, for the multitudes of people who read this, I'm not sure if I've ever actually said this here, so I think now is as good a time as ever to do so.

Even though it's been implied in past posts, I am a Christian. I do believe in, and love God. And He's the one who's given me direction in life.

Now, I assume a lot of you would be familiar with the Easter story.

Jesus went and died on a cross, and rose again 3 days later.

He died for our sins, for you and me, so that we could have a relationship with God.

He did that, for us. He was perfect. He never sinned. Ever.

Yet, he took our sin for us, purely because he loved us that much.

Now, this is something I've always struggled with.

Don't know why, I just have. I just struggle to understand why someone would die, for me.

I've also struggled to grasp the enormity of what He did for us.

I've seen this video twice now. It got posted by someone today.

I remember the first time I watched, in small group. I was absolutely shocked by it.

It's a video of a doctor describing the physical side of what Jesus went through on that cross.

Keep in mind that everything He went through, He did for you and me.

So, here you go.

Words escape me...

So, I went to write something. I realised how incoherent I sounded, and how ridiculously vague it was, so I ditched it.
Instead, I decided to write this.

Well, I know that sin was released into the world by us, and I know that God gave us free will to do as we wished, but some things still still confuse me. Just what people are capable of.
We're able to do what we want, thanks to the fact that God gifted us with free will. And I know that, because of that, we sin multiple times daily because of it, whether or not we deliberately sin. But the choices of some just outright confuse and disgust me.
Murderers, rapists, slavers, ect ect. All those kinds of people. How on earth can you actually perform an act as vile as what they do? I don't understand it.
It's just evil.
I mean, the fact that someone can willingly do that, just shocks me. And I truly hate the fact that it happens, on a daily basis.

The world would be a much better place if this just didn't happen. I'm no genius for stating that, but I truly do pray for a world which can one day be free of injustice. I pray that people can realise that what they do is just wrong, and that they correct it.

I'm tired, rambling, and making no sense now. so I'll try to end coherently. I do know that God doesn't differentiate between sins, that lying is just as bad as killing a man, in his eyes, but the thought that someone would willingly end another persons life, or commit acts that just tears their being to shreds simply horrifies me. It just shouldn't happen. Ever.

I do pray for these people though, that they can end the atrocities they perform, and that no one else repeats their actions. I just pray for a safer, and fairer world.

Oh CYC...

How I love your awesomeness.
Getting back from camp today, I've sat around for around 3 hours now trying to think of ways to explain these past few weeks.
I've attempted to write here numerous times, I attempted numerous statuses.
I was happy with none.
So instead of writing about it, I've basically decided to write about how hard it is to write about it.
I mean, it's just so hard to fully understand all that has happened.
So many friendships made.
So many fun times had.
Hours spent in worship, and in prayer.
Countless kids coming to Christ.
It's just been inspiring.

These past few months have been interesting for me.
They've been hard. And numerous questions have been raised.
But again, God has just come and blown me away.
He's shown me what He can do.
He's reminded me He'll always be there.
That's about all I can really take from this week.


I feel refreshed, ready to take on the world with Him by my side.
And I'm truly confident that we can handle anything that comes my way.
This year is going to be amazing.

All your post are belong to us...

Because taking an old meme and changing into your title is the coolest thing to do.

ANYWAY!
2012 is here.
And you know what?
It feels no different to last year :D
Except that I have to write a 2 instead of a 1 when writing dates now.
Because I'm a baws.

Anyway...
Camps.
Tomorrow.
(technically today, since it's 1am)
I'm excited.
Pumped, even.

I've honestly been waiting for these camps for so long now.
I've been so excited for them.
Looking forward to them so much.
And that's largely because I'm going to be taking a larger role in what's happening with them.

Impact.
4 years ago... I started leading there.
How much has changed since I first set foot on that amazing camp.
Looking back... I'm such a different person.
Once the shy boy who sat back, didn't say much, and went with the flow.
Now I'm loud, outgoing, and play a part in what's happening.
I think it's largely because of that camp.
It's changed me.
And now, I'm going to be programming it.
I play a large part in whether it's successful or not.
I choose when to do stuff and not to do stuff.
It's exciting, but daunting.

What if it goes wrong?
What if I screw up?
I occasionally have these thoughts, wondering whether or not I'll actually be able to do it.
But then I realise, I have so much support.
Daz won't let that happen, and he's such an inspiration anyway. He'll help me through it.
Then there are the 2 other programmers, who are awesome people anyway.
Lastly, and most certainly not least, there's someone else out there who has great plans for this camp.
I know He does. I've seen His work in these camps numerous times before.
And I have so much faith that it's going to happen again.
God moves at Impact. He changes lives, using us to do so.
And I know that, no matter what happens, He'll be there every step of the way to help me do what's needed.
And I love knowing that.
4 years ago when I started, I didn't know that.
I believed in God, but I didn't know what that meant.
I've grown as a person, grown in my understanding of what He did for us, grown in my faith.
And now it's my turn to help another leader to do the same, in some way or another.
Plus, there's always the knowledge that He's going to change the lives of who knows how many these holidays.
His work has already started.
It will never end.
And for this I am glad.

Dear 2012..

This year, I shall do the following.
And you shall not stop me, for I am legend.
Also, because I want to do them, so yeah.

Let the list begin.
I shall see no fewer than 10 bands play live.
I shall successfully learn to do a standing backsault.
I shall learn to organise everything better.
I shall clean my room once. Maybe twice. :P
I shall read books more.
I shall study more.
I shall finally pay my phone bill.
I shall also stop going over my download limit.
I shall give a present to every neighbour, as thanks to the one who provides my internet.
I shall at least attempt to write a song.
I shall not refrain from doing what needs doing.
I shall write a book! Actually, I won't.
I shall try to learn how to sing and play guitar at the same time.
I shall improve my drumming and bass skills.
I shall live through December, because the world shall not end.
I shall find a church, and regularly attend said church.
I shall do the chicken dance at least 5 times.
And finally...
I shall enjoy this year.

So.
Bit of a list.
It's more of an "I'll try to do these, because I feel I need to" list.
But hopefully it helps.
But yeah.
Happy New Year to the multitudes reading this.

The final ending, and a new beginning...

To be honest, the whole "it's a new year, it's a new start" thing has confused me. Just because it's a new year, doesn't mean anything has really changed. It's not like your life is restarting. Although, I can kind of understand it.

People see the new year as a chance to move on from what the previous year gave to them. I just use it as a chance to reflect on what's changed in my life, and what hasn't.

This year, my life changed a lot. I moved to Frankston. I had to survive by myself. I started at uni. I took up many extra responsibilities with youth stuff. Did I succeed? Who knows. I did in some aspects, I didn't in others.

All I know, is that I'm probably going to actually set some form of resolutions this year, and will try to fulfill them. Hopefully.

It'd be nice if I could.

And so it is...

I love Damien Rice. 
That is all.
Enjoy.

Refreshed...

Ever get that feeling that you have to do something.

Something that you wouldn't normally do.

Something that just seems weird, outlandish.

Could be big, could be small.

I just know that it happened to me recently.

And I can tell you, when I did it, it felt amazing.

Occasionally we'll just feel dry, like nothing is working.

Everything we try to do just doesn't help at all.

Then, out of nowhere, you get that small nudge.

That tap on the shoulder.

Then that small suggestion...

"you should do this, it'll work a treat"

And, of course, it works.

Every. Single. Time.

God is just that amazing.

Because ice-cream is just amazing...

I just ran out of apple juice.
Now I am sad.
So very sad.
Well, actually I'm not.
But hey, at least I have ice-cream!

Today... I had a meeting.
A good, fun, kind of scary meeting.
It was in regards to the program for camp this summer.
Impact, it's gonna ROCK people!

Still... it was scary, because it made me realise something.
A lot of what is happening this camp rides on me being in charge.
It rides on me organising stuff.
Not just running stuff, but being the behind the scene person.
Making sure all the items that are needed are provided.
It's kind of a big step...
One that I think I'm ready for... but it's still scary to think about.

I mean, programming can't be that hard, right?
It'll all come together though :)
I mean, it's camp.
It always works ^.^

My ice-cream melted :(

It IS just that amazing...

I've been thinking a lot about it today.

It's been quite prevalent today.

So, why not blog about it?

Music.

It moves us. It changes how we feel.

It inspires us. It challenges us.

It's an integral part of the lives of many.

And it's ridiculously hard to explain.

Today, I played my new bass for the first time.

I pulled out my guitar as well, and mucked around on that.

I heard numerous new songs and artists today.

I spoke about it to numerous friends.

Yet, I didn't even begin to scratch the surface on what music really is.

Something that has been on the edge of my mind lots recently is songwriting.

I spoke about it to friends today, and I've frequently thought about it.

I have this belief that I can't write songs.

To be honest, I've never really tried.

I've always had the "I wouldn't be good at it" or the "I wouldn't know what to write about" excuse.

And even now, laying here, I wouldn't have a clue what to write a song about.

But now I want to try it.

I want to see what it's like to piece together lyrics.

To attach them to some chords, or a riff.

To see how they go together.

And if it fits together well, I want to be able to play it.

Not necessarily show it to other people.

But to sit down, by myself, and just play my song.

That I made.

I imagine it would be among the best feelings in the world.

I also imagine it would be an extremely personal thing to do.

Writing a song, especially if it's about yourself.

Or your life.

I have so much respect for those who write it.

Even more for those who share it.

Music...

So hard to explain.

So easy to love.

So inspirational...

I like rainbows...

They look good.

I always wanted to try to find gold at the bottom of a rainbow.

There was a time where it was the most important thing in my life.

To reach the end of that rainbow...

...I always envisioned it as being an amazing event.

Rainbows (obviously), sparkly skies, a sunny backdrop.

For some reason, a pony just came to mind.

Although, I'd rather there not be one there.

And then there's the pot of gold. With a leprechaun or two, because they're cool.

Just dancing around the gold.

If I found that as a kid, my world would've been turned upside down.

It would have been amazing.

I've always wanted the supernatural world to exist.

(Note, I mean like, magic and shiz, not the God side of supernatural, because I know that exists)

But yeah, magic and stuff would be so cool.

Like, really cool.

And all the amazingly sweet creatures that'd come with such a world.

It'd be all sweet and peachy.

I love rainbows. :D

It's kinda stupid...

When I woke up today, I was not allowed to supervise anyone at a pool as a lifeguard.
When I go to sleep tonight, I will be allowed to lifeguard pools.
Yet, I feel like I know nothing more now than I did then.
The only thing that's different is that I did this 2 hour session at a pool.
And now I'm apparently allowed to lifeguard shiz.
Makes no sense.

Which makes me wonder how many people there are out there, who are 'qualified' to do stuff, but if a situation actually arose, they wouldn't have a clue what on earth to do.
Like, now, I could stand and watch a pool full of people, and legally ensure they're safe.
But if anything happened, I'd be all like "what do I dooooooo?" and everyone would die.
Kinda scary.

Therefore, I'm gonna eat some oranges, and it'll all be k.
That is all :)

Because WEDGIE!...

Yes.
That's right.
I just gave you a MASSIVE wedgie.
Like, truly HUGE! The hugest wedgie you've ever received.

Not really. I'm just kidding.
I didn't give you a wedgie. That would be mean.
And I'm an exceptionally nice person.

However, this text appears to be smaller than usual.
Shall we do something about it?
I think so..
...
...
*does something amazing and magical*

HERE WE ARE!
Is this better? Actually...
It's way too big. 
I'll change it again. Just wait.
...
...

There. It's better than before.
Much more readable.
Now... for the main point of this post.

I actually don't think there's a point to this.
I actually wanted to write a poem of some sort.
Except I had no inspiration, and no poem writing ability.
So that ended well.
I should write a story!
Yes :D I'll do that.
Actually... I have one I can post here already.
I'ma do that.
BYE!

And then I end up back here...

This blog is heaps more fun than when I originally decided to do it. Which makes me just continue to post random stuff, because I can.
Also, I've had this massive urge to have a D&M with someone tonight, but haven't, so I guess posting stuff here eases that slightly.
I love posting stuff past midnight. It's good. Pointless, but good.

Anyway, I just found something that I wrote in September, which I was going to chuck on Facebook, but didn't. It's from back when I had Uni assignments covering everything. It just makes me think about how much can change in such a short space of time. I remember certain things that were going on back in September. Now it's December, and a lot of what I wrote then is irrelevant. It makes me think about what we'd do if we knew what was going to happen if we continued with our usual habits, and ways of doing things. Would we change what we do, or would we continue to act the same as usual? I know, looking back, I would've done heaps differently this year, especially in the last few months. It's been an interesting, and scary time, but one that has caused some growth in me as a person. I appreciate that, but with it it's brought a lot of pain and stress, which sucked. Am I truly happy now? Who knows. I certainly don't. I'm definitely in a weird place right now, and I hope that it gets fixed soon. Honestly, I don't even know what I'm writing about right now. Therefore...

I feel weird. Stuff changes. I like some of it, don't like other parts.
Camps will be good. I want them now :)
Christmas is coming. That's always great.
I NEED a church. Or at least a consistent christian community. I've lacked it for too long now, and constantly visiting places just isn't good for me. I need a home church.
Aaaaaaand... I want a Ukulele.

Life is weird.